March 5, 2025

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Wednesday, March 5, 2025 at 8:15am I was standing at the Carilion Clinic Breast Care Center on Jefferson St in Roanoke checking in for my 8:20am appointment. Get all checked in and have a seat in the waiting area. There were a few others already waiting so I figured I would have some time to kill. I think I only got to play 1 round of the game Cattywampus before they were calling my name. (That's an addictive word game - thanks to my cousin Adina) So, off I go into the world of boob-squishing unknown. They tell me to disrobe from the waist up and put on the half a gown with the opening in the front. Had never seen a half a gown before so that was kinda neat. Next I go to the other room harboring the mammogram machine. 

This is a course of boob squishing at it's finest. Take into consideration that I am NOT a well-endowed woman by any means. I did not get that gene from my mom. So the nurse has me standing in all sorts of awkward positions, arms over this, twist that way, lean the other way, etc. Positions my body was not meant to be in, just to try to get my boobs into the squisher. Long story short, that machine is the devil but it got done and I was on my way to get dressed and get back to work... Now the hurry up and wait game. 

The only thing I could do until further notice was pray. And I did a lot of that. I won't say that one or two prayers included the "don't let it be cancer" prayer because there were a couple of those but I knew the outcome. Just one of those things I just knew. Intuition? Who knows. But my prayers were mostly to let it not have spread outside the breast, let me have caught it early enough, help me get thru this...things like that. I'm a pretty strong gal and hold most things in and "power thru". This was literally when I began begging the Lord for help. 

Oh, let me not go on without saying that this bonus nugget falls during the time frame of us getting Nathan's skin cancer diagnosis, his procedure to have it removed and sent away for further testing. Was already praying for us to get thru that without further bad news... so yes, by now I was begging God.

Until this point, I had not mentioned the lump or mammogram to Nathan. In his eyes, that was unfair. I totally understand that from his perspective when he gave feedback. From mine, I didn't want him to worry - if the results came back as something minor, nothing to worry about, especially when we were dealing with his skin cancer already. Regardless, I should have told him. Then when I read the report on MyChart after my mammogram and the clinic called to schedule the diagnostic exam, I knew I had to tell him. 

That evening, I sat down with tears in my eyes and told him that I had found the lump, scheduled and went to the mammogram appointment. As I mentioned, he wished I'd told him sooner, but it was literally just a few days prior. It wasn't that I kept it in for months. I told him what the scan showed, that there were masses that needed further diagnostic testing. I even gave him the full disclosure that I myself was scared. I don't admit that often. 

He had some processing to do but did give the sweetest reply and comfort and assured me that we would go thru this together just as we have with his. 

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