August 1, 2025
Following the recent events and conversations (or lack thereof) with folks in Roanoke about getting updated tests done and getting nothing but "slammed doors", Nathan started calling VCU to see if we could get updated tests done. I mean it makes sense since I'd already gone 12 rounds with the first chemo cocktail and the tumor couldn't be located by Dr. Merten.... Let's see where things are, right? Unfortunately they didn't have close appointments at the same facility so we had to go to 2 different VCU locations to get the tests done. No biggie. At least we'll know how things are progressing.... slow, fast, barely at all.... something..
Went to VCU today for a follow-up diagnostic mammogram. I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't worried that I've been overly optimistic with my current status and worried that they would find something new. The whole drive there I was hoping and praying for the best but preparing for the worst.
We get to VCU, get checked in and I get called back a few minutes later. I'll tell you that they do mammograms in a much less painful manner than Carilion in Roanoke. This one didn't hurt at all, with the exception of the fact that pulling my skin did tug at my port site. It didn't "hurt" but was uncomfortable. After the tech gets the images, she asked me to wait in the dressing room for the Dr to look the images over. I'll pause here to also note how much more personal this was than at Roanoke. I was alone, not in a waiting room full of other anxious women. There wasn't a bunch of other distractions from other conversations, no other people bustling about. Just me, in a tiny closet of a dressing room, with doors, not just a curtain. Much more private.
Left alone to my thoughts while the Dr reviewed my images, I just sat there playing my cousin's game Cattywampus to get my mind off things for a few minutes. (The game is live now so go download it from your play store!) The tech comes in a few minutes later and tells me the Dr wants more images done of my left breast.... remember, the right one is the one with the cancer. Needless to say, my mind immediately went into panic thinking there's now something happening in good old lefty... Trying to not freak out during the second set of images, I held my composure and got thru the next few minutes of images. Then it was back to my dressing closet.
In my solitude, I'm internally freaking out, tears running down my face, praying intently that I'm overreacting.
They were supposed to call Nathan back when they came back with results and to discuss the findings, however they did not. The Dr actually comes in a few minutes later and after a brief introduction, bluntly says she can't find anything. I had a puzzled, teary look on my face and she reiterated that the only thing she can see on the images was the clip from the biopsy and nothing else, no tumor. I burst into sobs. I couldn't hold back any more emotions. Once I gained composure and apologized, she went on to say she was double checking lefty to be sure there was nothing over there but she honestly couldn't see any tumor or anything on the images. She told me I could get dressed and directed me on how to get back to the lobby.
Still overwhelmed with emotions and trying to hold in tears of joy now, I dress and head out. Once in the lobby, full of other women waiting, I see Nathan and lost it again. He was fearful of what I was told and thinking the worst, but I was able to get out "they can't find anything", to which he asked "so these are tears of joy". I nodded while crying into his chest. Full of emotions, he directs me towards the elevator so he can keep his composure in public. As we head out to the truck, I was able to regain some composure myself and told him what the Dr told me in the 5-10 minutes she was with me.
I was literally so overcome with emotions that I was sitting in the truck with as blank of an expression possible, staring out the truck window. So much so, he asked if I had told him everything the Dr said because I wasn't as happy as one might be after hearing such news. I told him I was just emotionally a wreck coupled with extreme tiredness and still trying to process everything. On 4 hours of sleep I drove to VCU fearful of bad news, to the Dr wanting more images of the unaffected breast, sending me to feelings of dread, to the news of "hey, I don't see any tumors at all" ... all these emotions in a matter of 30 minutes or so....
Trying to wrap my head around being told 4 months ago that I've got stage 3, triple negative, highly invasive ductal carcinoma (which doesn't have great prognosis in most cases) to being told "I don't see any tumors" is just a lot to comprehend. I'm telling you, I have tried to be obedient and eat correctly and stay active and do "all the things", but I've given my diagnosis to God to handle. I've had issues emotionally along the way here and there, but HE kept me going through it all with no physical side effects. HE has worked on healing me. The prayers not just from me but from others as well has made a HUGE impact. There is SO MUCH POWER IN PRAYER!
I believe Nathan understood some. I imagine he was feeling some of these same emotions. The ride home I was praying thanks to God for healing. I've said all along, God's got me, not the stupid breast cancer.
I still have an MRI on Tuesday to look deeper into things and unfortunately won't get those results immediately, but I am praying (and ask everyone else to do the same) that the MRI shows the same good news. I'm trying not to celebrate too much and get my hopes up too much, but this is good news to hear so far!!!
While I talk about good news and celebrations, I want to take a minute to tell you about this wonderful person named Freda, a patient advocate with VCU. From the minute Nathan and I met her at my very first appt at VCU, we took a liking to her. Just something about her draws you in. Easy to talk to, like you've known each other for years. Well, today was the day God must have told her to return my call regarding lodging for upcoming appts. I discussed the details of the reservations and Freda could tell my voice was different from other times we've spoken. Nathan pushed me to tell her today's news even tho I don't think I had fully comprehended it yet.... I told Freda about today's appointment and boy oh boy did she let out a scream of excitement and joy that my momma woulda have done! And boy did that make me cry. Maybe that's what it is about Freda... she reminds me of my late mother. Maybe my mom directed Freda to my life when I needed it. Freda, if you ever read this blog, keep being the most fabulous You that you can be! You are truly a God-send for me!
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