March 18, 2025
March 18, 2025 was the scheduled date for my diagnostic mammogram. Nathan took me to this appointment and, bless his heart, he couldn't go back with me but had to stay in the waiting area the whole time. This was a lengthy appointment too but he handled it with patience, especially since he'd just had his procedure to remove his skin cancer 5 days prior and was dealing with a black and swollen eye, stitches and overall discomfort. Well, I say he did. He said he did. I wasn't with him so... LOL
So, diagnostic mammogram... they take you back to a small waiting room with a couple of closed spaces and lockers for changing and storing your belongings. Again with the half gown, open-in-front attire. Once changed we sit in a small waiting room, sometimes with other patients waiting for the same thing. The staff was very courteous.
After a short wait, it's off to visit the boob squisher. The process is the same, stand this way, bend that way, lean back, head facing this way, then that...Remember I don't have "big ones" so this is very difficult and slightly painful. This squisher was illuminated with pink lighting. Fancy. The oddest thing was the large emergency shut off button on the wall nearby. First, the technician would have to run across the room to hit it and it was out of my reach should there be a need. But in my mind, I envisioned something out of a cartoon where the machine has a mind of it's own and starts just chomping down on my boob, pulling and tugging, like it's a toy or something. Leave it to my imagination, I know.. I giggled out loud. I'm sure the technician thought I was nuts. After the boob squisher it's back to the waiting room and wait for the ultrasound. (Yes, I've got visual aids.)
A couple of the ceiling tiles had happy giraffes on them. That was fun. They were silly. Refer to my imagination being that of a kid. 😊 Aren't they cute. 💖
The ultrasound was a lengthy process as they were not only looking at Mr. Boob Bump but they were looking at the lymph nodes under my armpit. That pretty much sucked. Push hard on my armpit of the arm that's already numb and in pain. Good times.
The tech thought we were done and cleaned up the gooey goo and left the room... But wait... there's more...
She returns with the doctor and the doctor has me resume the position, grabs the wand, adds more warm goo and proceeds to recheck something under my arm and in my boob. This can't be good. Switched places with the tech and has her capture pictures of various things. Fantastic. I know my insides are not photogenic so she saw something not so nice.
Done with the ultrasound. For real this time. Go get dressed and wait to be brought to the consult room. This sounds like good news, huh? (Insert sarcastic tone) Well, I got dressed, they took me to the consult room and went to get Nathan. The staff is nonchalantly looking at him with internalized questions while preparing to talk to us about my findings. Needless to say, I put to bed the questions and reassured them I did not kick his tail but that he'd just had the skin cancer removed. They seemed deflated that we were both dealing with this at the same time, like they didn't want to have the next conversation. By this point, I wasn't owning anything and was just in test mode since my cancer was not definitive on paper yet.
The doctor and nurse proceed to tell me they see the mass in the breast and that my lymph node doesn't look happy. Great. They explain what all that means, but I'm informed enough with medical terminology that their explanations basically fell on deaf ears with me. Can't recall that conversation now. I'm sure I was thinking about the boob squisher coming to life again. LOL Couldn't tell ya what they said. Nathan may be able to. I already knew the rest of what's to come - next up - biopsy.
Again, this wasn't my reaction due to shock or disbelief but quite literally I know the terminology. I've dealt with my own medical stuff thru the years, my daughters, took care of my granny, mom and (step)dad until their deaths, in addition to Nathan's recent diagnosis and procedure, among other things thru the years. It helps too that my uncle was a doctor, sister in law is a nurse, aunt was a respiratory therapist, cousin is an oncology nurse, an ex-aunt that was a nurse so needless to say, I've heard and retained a lot in my lifetime. I'm also a huge believer in researching and being your own advocate.
OK, back to reality. Their consult did result in recommending a biopsy, what to expect and such for that. I really did pay attention. They doctor and nurse were really great. Informative, caring and compassionate. Gave me numbers to call if needed, etc. So, next up is wait for the call for the biopsy date.
I have a Daily Prayer book that I really like. I feel like no matter what's going on in my world, the next one in the book pertains directly to whatever is going on. Leave it to God to know what I need when I need it.
The one I read this day was titled Pray More, Worry Less
Philippians 4:6
"Don't worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God."
I have been praying for specifics more this year, not just general "keep this person happy and healthy"
The devotion that went along with this verse hit home too. It reads:
"If you are like most people, it is simply a fact of life: from time to time, you worry. You worry about health, about finances, about safety, about relationships, about family, and about an assortment of obligations, some great and some small. Where is the best place to take your worries? Take them to God. Take your troubles to Him, and your fears and your sorrows.
Barbara Johnson correctly observed, "Worry is the senseless process of cluttering up tomorrow's opportunities with leftover problems from today." So if you'd like to make the most out of this day (and every one hereafter), turn your worries over to a Power greater than yourself - and spend your valuable time and energy solving the problems you can fix while trust in God to do the rest.
Elizabeth George quote: Replace worry with prayer. Make the decision to pray whenever you catch yourself worrying."
I myself by nature am a worrier. I spent too much time spoiling my days worrying about things I had no control over, allowing those worries to change my moods and outlooks on things. When someone told me once that I always seemed to have a negative outlook on things, that hit home. I realized then that I was allowing things I had no control over to control me. That had to stop. Immediately. I started letting things go and let God have them. If there wasn't anything I could do, it was up to Him to handle. Everything else that I could deal with got prioritized and handled by me. Pastor Finley said many times we have to "Let go and Let God". The other quote he said often is "we have to go THRU to get TO what's on the other side". I repeat these quotes often.
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