July 28, 2025

Last week's treatment literally kicked my ass. It took me down for the week. I'm feeling better today, but still feel exhausted. Let me try to describe how last week went.

Monday I had my treatment with the new cocktail. I was told I would probably feel "a little poopy". To some that might be a headache, feeling like you're hung over or like you have the flu. It's best if they actually didn't sugar coat it and just flat out tell you that you will feel like you have been hit by a train, repeatedly, over and over and over as if that train had some huge grudge against you. Tuesday, my muscles felt like they had cinderblocks weighing them down. My joints hurt.

Tuesday I had my follow-up booster treatment for my immune system. This is to stimulate your bone marrow to generate white blood cells to help get the immune system back out of the toilet from the chemo. I told the nurse how I was feeling and it was suggested trying Claritin and Tylenol. No explanation of why the Claritin, no dose recommendations, no "let me go get the oncologist". Just that this is a normal reaction to the chemo. Ok, Kira. Man up. Put on your big girl britches and ride it out. 

Wednesday I felt ok enough to go into the office and work. I lasted until 2:30. I got so tired a couple of times I thought I might lay on the floor and take a nap, but I powered thru those couple of tired spells. I didn't do much after work, watched the grandbaby for a little bit, which wasn't a huge deal thanks to Bluey. That's what she wanted to do and normally I'm not about the TV but I caved without hesitation that day. 

Thursday every single thing in my body hurt. And when I say hurt, literally the air blowing on my skin hurt. Not a "ow, my back hurts" or "ow, I stubbed my toe", but a pain like none other that I have ever experienced. I've been thru a LOT of shit in my life with surgeries and injuries and this pain was really indescribable. Unless you go thru it, you don't have any understanding. There's nothing really to compare this to. Regardless, I powered thru and drove myself to my VCU appt. They could tell I was in pain, but when the tech tried putting the BP cuff on and that send me straight into blubbering tears, she yanked it off and called in a nurse. That nurse ended up calling my local oncology office and a prescription for Tramadol was called in for me to use as needed. 

Met with the breast surgeon for my scheduled appt, after the "fire drill", and he suggested that I take the Claritin and Tylenol ahead of treatment and after to try to help manage the pain. I WISH my oncology team would have said that. I fully understand that not everyone has the same reactions, (hell, I had NONE to the first regimen) however it would have been nice to hear something like "Most people feel this way, so I highly suggest taking that ahead of time and for a few days after. If you don't experience the same reactions, no need to continue taking that." I would have been like, ok, it's not like taking that is gonna hurt...let's try it and see... MAYBE last week wouldn't have been so bad... But I literally told my Dr Thursday that I would rather roll over and die instead of feeling the way I was. That was NOT an exaggerated statement. That was literally how I felt then. Needless to say, he did not do the exam he wanted to because he did not want to cause me any more pain. We did discuss the follow up scans and potential timeline for surgery. 

This "fire drill"... If you've never experienced one while at a medical appt, it's definitely something interesting. There were roofers working there that day and without seeing any firetrucks on site, I'm assuming they triggered something, causing the fire alarms to go off. I was already in my treatment room. Wondering what exactly I was supposed to do here, I waiting for someone to come get me. The staff directed us where to exit. Unfortunately, elevators are not an option in this situation, so I had to walk down 2 flights of stairs... in the extreme pain I was in.... My thoughts... kill me now. Once downstairs, the nurse that assisted me previously sought me out with a wheel chair. We were almost to the designated meeting area so I opted to finish the walk, but did take her up on the option to sit and rest, especially in the heat. Chemo has made it so I do NOT tolerate the heat well anymore. Once the threat was tended to, we were able to reenter the building. Luckily I remembered the room number I was in, so I was able to go back in and wait for my Dr. 

I think it was only by the grace of God that I made it to VCU and back safely. My GPS hasn't worked at all since I got this replacement phone from the insurance company. I don't have much recollection of the drive there and back. Jesus took the wheel for me for sure. When I got home, I crawled into bed and passed out. The rest of Thursday is a blur. Maybe I slept it away. Who knows. 

Friday I did eventually manage to get downstairs to the couch and sit upright. My back can't lay in bed but for so long. I did get some work done while sitting on the couch, which made me feel better mentally. 

Saturday we went to the local auction. We stayed pretty much away from people, and it was still more sitting, just in a different environment. I didn't do much after we got home from that. Just basically chilled out and rested. 

Sunday I was feeling ok enough to knock out some minor chores like washing dishes, feeding the critters outside, washed out some water bowls for the chickens... I did go clean my office (my side gig) and while I was moving very slowly by that point, still managed to get it done. Took a little longer than normal, but again, I was moving slow. By the time I got home, I found the bed and there I stayed the rest of the day. I moved around a little bit, like to go pee, but nothing major. I did find myself in the bathroom at one point, puking my guts out. I can only assume it was from lack of food and the protein shake I chugged didn't agree with my stomach. (I'd only had a bowl of oatmeal that morning). I'd managed to crawl to the bed and get myself back in it. I thought it was weakness from puking making it difficult to move. I did come downstairs that evening/night to get another protein shake. My legs gave out a couple of times but I did catch myself so I didn't actually "fall". I got my shake from the fridge, managed to get back to the stairs, but had to crawl up them. I think I made it at least half way when Nathan found where I was and came to help. (In his defense, he didn't know I was dealing with any of this as he'd been outside most of the afternoon after he got home from church and I didn't let him know.) I know by the time I got to where I was on the stairs, my legs had no strength left to get me up. I was struggling, panting, and in tears. This is stupid. I felt like an invalid. I felt helpless. I felt frustrated. I HATE these feelings. Nathan got me the rest of the way upstairs and into bed. He made sure I had the TV remote and my phone nearby. "How pathetic am I at this point" was the thought running through my head. After having to call him and ask him to help me go pee, I did pass out after being put back in bed. 

There's always been the saying "God doesn't give us more than we can handle"... I guess God must think I'm the Incredible Hulk or something because good grief... I really feel like it's more "God doesn't give us more than HE can handle" because it's only by His grace that I've made it thru last week. 

I did have labs and an oncology appt today. The appt was much longer than normal as Nathan and I were expressing in great detail how last week went, and I made it perfectly clear that I was disappointed in not being told more specifically what to expect with the new chemo drugs and the additional preventative measures that could have been tried. We also went over my labs from today, which were where she expected them to be. Basically, in the toilet. At this point, I'm considered immuno-compromised until my immune system catches back up. Hopefully the Fulphila (biosimilar to Neulasta) does it's job and makes my body create more white blood cells. Supposedly last week was to be the worst, this week I should start getting strength back and by next week I should be feeling more normal. We'll see.